Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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