i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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