i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
