I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
