Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
