I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that's an acceptable place to lick
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
