HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
