i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
