why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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