I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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