C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
