Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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