I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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