The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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