fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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