we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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