this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
