i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
