I am puke
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
