Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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