yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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