i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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