I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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