Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
