So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
