Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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