So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
