what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
