:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
