The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
