And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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