So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
