I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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