In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
