she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
