Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
