I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
