i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
