Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
