you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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