Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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