..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
