I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
