Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners