no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.