Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I could fuck to npr.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice