We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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