I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
