Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
