I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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