Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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