She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
