I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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