Already got asked if we're dating
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
