Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
