Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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