It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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