I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
