Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
