I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
