your thong is hanging out like whoa
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
