Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
