I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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