You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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