Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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