Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
