Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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