bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
